i dropped out of college. i am lazy, unprepared for life. when i was a kid i woke up and played. i haven't really developed an apparatus for doing life particularly well if ambition, drive, non-slovenliness, wage-earning, and cumulative growth strategy are figured into the equation. i always feel like i am treading water. is that natural? i feel like if i were smarter and raised a little better i would be able to move forward in some methodical, self-assured way toward greater success and usefulness.