mangled moments in lost time - September 13th, 2007
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10:49 pm
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ashes to ashes, suck to suck
i looked at a mediocre photo on flickr and it had been viewed almost a 1000 times and commented and favorited by a lot of people and i just don't get it. i must pretend that i am trying to be obscure and don't want anyone to find this blog or my flickr page or my myspace page or my facebook page or my youtube page or my personal webpage or my entry on archive.org. there are a few other little random traces, but it's amazing how confirmed one's mediocrity is when you can be so out there and so utterly hidden at the same time. i'm reading andy warhol's diary right now and that has me thinking about fame and seeing famous people, wanting to associate with them and live a life of permissiveness. i think i'm too lazy to really live my life. i mostly try to avoid doing anything but passing the time pleasantly without effort. maybe it's my imagination but i feel my heart beating in my chest with slight difficulty, as if to say, "you woke me up for this?" i don't mean to be a useless person, but at least i try not to use too many resources and am not having any children. have i said this before? everyone, upon examination, seems insane. the insanity of some people is just how boring they are. some people i just want to ask them, "surely, those aren't really your values? that's just so empty." but then they would most likely say the same thing about me and here i am bored so it must be true. but i feel like one of those observing angels in wings of desire, not meant to participate. i remember one lousy self-representing artist on ebay once said something about people not buying his art like, "you'll regret it when i'm dead", seriously, like his art would be worth something later. it's so easy to let oneself believe that. that's the romantic posthumous artist story, but most posthumous artists are completely forgotten, not even footnotes.
maybe i've just watched too much dramatic tv, movies, and read too many books and there's no way real life could have any appeal for me. i blame andy warhol's diary. i think if my wife dies before me i'll move to africa and have a cheetah for a lover.
Current Music: "andy warhol"-david bowie
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